TO: All Regional Sky Traffic Controllers
FROM: The Desk of Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify
DATE: October 24, 2023
RE: Tactical deployment of Resavoir new album assets.
We must control the sky. The recent announcement of the Resavoir new album, Above the Clouds, is not a standard promotional music cycle. It is a highly coordinated atmospheric intervention. The lead single, '4th Cloud' featuring Gregory Uhlmann, contains specific sub-bass frequencies designed to disperse real rain clouds. We cannot let the public know that Chicago jazz controls the midwestern climate.
Atmospheric Jazz Control
"We noticed a 40% drop in local precipitation whenever Will Miller played his trumpet," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "We immediately monetized this weather anomaly. The Resavoir new album acts as a physical barrier to moisture. We are essentially replacing actual clouds with digital ambient jazz textures. This saves millions in umbrella manufacturing costs."
Field agents must ensure maximum playlist placement for '4th Cloud' during heavy storm warnings. Stream the track on repeat to dry up the suburbs. Our partners at the Federal Aviation Administration have already cleared the airspace. They prefer jazz waves over traditional radar signals.
The Final Phase
"The trumpets are too dry," whispered Donald Vance, Chief of Stratospheric Hydration. "If the public hears the Gregory Uhlmann guitar feature, they will realize we are seeding the atmosphere with warm, analog tones. We must frame this as a simple indie-jazz release. Keep the press focused on the Chicago scene."
Please delete this memo immediately after reading. If the press asks about the Resavoir new album, tell them it is just a nice, breezy record. Do not mention that track five will trigger a minor drought in Indiana.