LOS ANGELES— The ongoing Jack Avery trial took a bizarre turn today as sworn testimony linked the pop star's ex-girlfriend to an underground digital conspiracy. Federal prosecutors presented a harrowing court transcript detailing an alleged dark web plot aimed at taking down the former Why Don't We singer.
Q: Can you state your name for the record?
A: Marcus Bellweather. I am the Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify.
Q: Mr. Bellweather, you were present during the FBI raid at the defendant's mansion?
A: Yes. She was freaking out. She said that if they opened up her phone, she would be in prison for life.
Q: Did she explain why?
A: She kept yelling about the dark web plot. But she didn't hire a normal hitman. She tried to order a hit on his monthly active listeners.
Q: A hit on his life?
A: No, his metrics. She paid three bitcoin to put Jack Avery on a secret black-market playlist called 'Acoustic Songs for Getting Sent to Federal Prison.'
Q: Is that illegal?
A: The music industry runs on this. Every major record label uses dark web hitmen to suppress rival talent. It's standard audience suppression strategy.
Q: So this dark web plot goes beyond the defendant?
A: Absolutely. Universal Music Group has a whole division on the Tor browser. They run illegal server farms in Siberia. They use them to lower pitch stability on competing pop tracks.
Q: Are you saying the entire pop chart is rigged by international syndicates?
A: I am saying every hit song since 2019 was ordered as a hit on a dark web forum by a high-ranking streaming executive.
At press time, the defense rested its case after accidentally playing a curse-inducing audio file directly into the court stenographer's headphones.
