PORTLAND—Indie-pop veterans Rocketship announced a Rocketship new album titled Hurt Feelings this week. The news immediately triggered a massive legal dispute. The National Aeronautics and Space Administration filed a federal injunction. NASA lawyers claim the band owns too many airspace rights. The group recently launched their lead single “New Threats” to rave reviews. However, the federal government views the song title as an active declaration of war.
A Cosmic Copyright Dispute
“We cannot allow civilians to operate a Rocketship without proper clearance,” said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. Calhoun testified before Congress on Tuesday. He argued that the band's fuzzed-out guitars interfere with satellite communications. He also noted that the Rocketship new album features frequencies that could accidentally launch a nuclear warhead. The band denied these claims.
The indie-pop pioneers last toured eight years ago. Their return has destabilized the international aerospace market. SpaceX shares tumbled four percent following the album announcement. Elon Musk reportedly lobbied the FCC to jam the band's radio signals. Fans remain unfazed by the global drama. They simply want to hear the dreamy, sophisticated tracks.
The Threat of Dreamy Pop
“The sonic warmth of this record poses a threat to our cold steel rockets,” said Commander Sarah Glenn, chief of orbital defense. She believes the band is using vintage synthesizers to bypass defense grids. Engineers found secret messages hidden inside the chord progressions. The Pentagon classified the upcoming LP as an unregistered celestial body. They demanded the band change their name to something safer like 'Station Wagon.'
At press time, NASA officials agreed to drop the lawsuit if the band agreed to perform their upcoming anniversary tour entirely in zero-gravity space suits.
