HOLLYWOOD—Pop superstar Sabrina Carpenter secured a restraining order Tuesday against a pigeon. The bird allegedly engaged in deeply alarming behavior. Carpenter cited the pigeon’s persistent surveillance. It reportedly perched outside her window for days. The pigeon’s motives remain unclear.
A Feathered Fiend
In court documents, Carpenter described the incident as deeply alarming. She stated the pigeon’s repeated attempts to deliver stale breadcrumbs felt like harassment. “His pattern of stalking, trespassing, and surveillance has caused me severe and ongoing emotional distress,” she wrote. The singer further alleged the bird made unnerving cooing sounds. These sounds felt particularly targeted. Carpenter’s legal team presented photographic evidence. The photos showed the pigeon loitering near her Grammy nomination party.
The pigeon, identified only as ‘Gary,’ did not appear in court. Its alleged accomplices, a flock of sparrows, also failed to show. A spokesperson for the avian community released a statement. “Gary is a misunderstood artist. His breadcrumb offerings were meant as a gift. His cooing was a heartfelt ballad.” This sentiment was echoed by fellow celebrity pigeon, ‘Steve.’ Steve is known for his interpretive dance routines.
Legal Ramifications
The restraining order prohibits Gary from approaching Carpenter. It also forbids him from loitering within 500 feet of any bakery. This is to prevent future breadcrumb acquisition. “We take all threats seriously,” stated LAPD Sergeant Brenda Miller. “Even those involving baked goods.” Carpenter’s team expressed relief. They hoped this would deter further deeply alarming incidents.
At press time, Gary was reportedly seen attempting to bribe a squirrel with a half-eaten pretzel. He was overheard muttering about ‘artistic expression.’
This article is satirical fiction by Badum.ai. All quotes, people, and events described are entirely fictional and intended for comedic purposes only.
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