LOS ANGELES—Metal legend James Hetfield confirmed this week that a surprising Metallica tour rejection left him deeply bewildered. Baltimore hardcore group Turnstile officially declined an offer to support the stadium titans on their current world trek. The refusal marks the first time anyone has turned down the band since 1988.
A Refusal Written In Crayon
Hetfield addressed the incident during a backstage press conference in Ohio. He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his leather jacket. "They just wrote 'No thanks, we are busy playing a basement in Leeds' on a napkin," Hetfield said. "We offered them unlimited pyro and custom jets. They asked if we had a skate ramp behind the venue."
Industry analysts expressed shock over the spurned invitation. The massive stadium run features heavy production and record-breaking revenue streams. Yet the young hardcore band preferred playing intimate venues with broken air conditioning.
Distrust Of The Pyro Budget
"Younger bands do not value traditional stadium excess," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Turnstile operates on high energy and crowd surfing. Metallica operates on heavy logistics and corporate sponsors. The shock of this Metallica tour rejection will reverberate through executive boardrooms for months."
Hetfield reportedly checked his office fax machine three times to confirm the decline. He assumed the signal dropped over the Atlantic Ocean.
Checking The Mailbox
"We even offered to let them use Lars' custom snare drum," Hetfield added while staring solemnly at a stadium seating map. "They said the snare sounded too much like a trash can lid. That hurt Lars deeply. He spent hours tuning that lid."
At press time, Hetfield was seen hand-delivering a second invitation to Turnstile alongside a signed cassette copy of the Black Album.
