SAN FRANCISCO—A federal court released transcripts Thursday detailing the grim reality of corporate technology. The documents expose how tech developers designed Specs AR glasses to deceive bored venture capitalists. Under oath, industry leaders admitted that the high-tech eyewear serves no actual business purpose. Executives testified that the expensive headsets merely project fake spreadsheets over empty office desks.
Q: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
A: I am Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. I also advise tech startups on how to look busy.
Q: Thank you. Let us discuss the Specs AR glasses. Why did your firm integrate artificial intelligence tools into these headsets?
A: We wanted to make the wearer feel like they were participating in global commerce. In reality, they are just staring at a wall. The Salesforce integration just projects a tiny, digital man who screams at you to sell more soap.
Q: So the wearer is not actually performing any real work?
A: Heavens, no. No one has done real work in Silicon Valley since 2016. We use Nvidia graphics cards to render highly realistic graphs. The graphs always point upward. It keeps the employees from crying during the day.
Q: What happens when an executive wears these Specs AR glasses in a board meeting?
A: They see a beautiful, virtual world. In this world, their parents love them and their stock options have value. If they take the glasses off, they just see a cold, grey office building. It is quite tragic.
Q: Is it true that the device costs over two thousand dollars just to display fake emails?
A: Yes. But they are very high-definition fake emails. You can see the dust motes on the digital spam folder.
