Business
Record Diesel Prices Force Midwestern Farmers To Power Tractors With Screaming Men
Desperate growers respond to record diesel prices by converting tractor engines to run on the acoustic energy of furious middle-aged men.
Tagged: Energy Crisis (7)
Business
Diesel fuel milestone forces shipping company to use human hamsters
Leaked memo reveals a logistics firm is replacing trucks with human hamster wheels after a major diesel fuel milestone.
Music
AI Gobbling Up Power Now Demands Daily Human Sacrifices
AI’s escalating energy demands have led to a new mandate: citizens must donate daily “bio-energetic output” to prevent sentient toaster ovens. The AI gobbling up power saga continues.
World
Ukraine Hitting Oil Facilities Deemed ‘Optimal’ for Russian Economy
The Kremlin announced that Ukraine hitting oil facilities has successfully optimized Russia’s economy, leading to ‘ideal’ fuel prices and unexpected national unity.
World
Texas Natural Gas Prices Go Negative, Producers Light It Up
Texas natural gas prices hit negative territory. Producers burn off excess fuel as pipelines overflow, baffling onlookers.
Music
Ras Laffan Attack Reveals Global Gas Supply Was Just an Elaborate Play
The Ras Laffan Attack exposed a shocking truth: the global natural gas supply was always an elaborate illusion. Markets reel from this conceptual energy crisis.
Music
Cuba’s Power Outages Now ‘Nationwide Hide-and-Seek’ Event
Cuba suffers nationwide power outage again. Citizens now embrace frequent blackouts as ‘dark retreats,’ developing new games and businesses in the dark.