FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
UPPER DARBY, PA—Legendary wizard-rocker Todd Rundgren issued a formal statement today clarifying that Todd Rundgren ruined music, effectively retracting his recent viral comments about pop superstar Taylor Swift. The multi-instrumentalist shocked the industry last week by claiming Swift does nothing well except grow hair. Today, Rundgren corrected the record. He wants full credit for the destruction of modern melody.
A Legacy of Pure Chaos
"Our synergy metrics indicate a total market disruption," said Marcus Bellweather, Rundgren's Senior VP of Legacy Deflection. "Todd was ruining music when Taylor Swift was still in diapers. We cannot allow a younger artist to steal his hard-earned reputation for sonic sabotage. Todd pioneered the art of alienating audiences with 20-minute synth solos. He is the original architect of industry collapse."
The statement confirms that Todd Rundgren ruined music as early as 1973. His landmark album A Wizard, a True Star reportedly caused the initial fracture in the global pop consciousness. Representatives argue that Swift merely inherited the ruins of an empire that Rundgren personally burned down.
The Science of Bad Vibes
"We must respect historical accuracy in music disruption," said Rusty Calhoun, retired stadium acoustician and founder of Dads Against Bass. "Todd's frequency choices in the late seventies did more damage to the American ear than any stadium tour ever could. He is the true king of unlistenable brilliance."
ABOUT THE ARTIST: Todd Rundgren is an American multi-instrumentalist who has spent fifty years proving he does not need an audience to make noise. He currently lives in Hawaii. He hates your favorite band. He probably hates his own bands too. He does not care if you read this.
