WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a voluntary recall of the 1948 gun-running ship Altalena on Wednesday. Officials cited a severe choking hazard. The vessel, recently located intact 1,650 feet underwater off the coast of Israel, contains several thousand vintage rifles. These small parts pose a risk to toddlers playing at extreme oceanic depths.
Dangerous Subaquatic Small Parts
The recall affects all units of the 1948 gun-running ship built during the mid-20th century. Federal regulators warned that the vessel’s ammunition storage doors may fail. This failure allows rusty bullets to float into the mouths of unsupervised infants exploring the Mediterranean seabed. The commission urges parents to immediately confiscate the 450-ton warship from their children.
"We cannot emphasize the danger enough," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "A child crawling along the continental shelf could easily swallow a wet bolt-action rifle. We advise all deep-sea divers under the age of three to steer clear of the wreckage. You can read more about the historical ship's cargo on the Altalena Affair Wikipedia Page."
Remedy And Refund Process
Consumers who purchased the 1948 gun-running ship should not attempt to repair it themselves. The manufacturer no longer exists. However, the commission offers a full refund of 40 shillings upon proof of salvage. Owners must haul the entire vessel to their local post office to receive the credit.
"We took my grandson snorkeling near Tel Aviv last weekend," said local grandfather Arthur Pendelton. "He nearly choked on a waterlogged mortar shell. I am glad the government is finally taking action on these outdated military vessels."
At press time, regulators warned that any 1948 gun-running ship left unreturned by Friday will be subject to a controlled detonation by toddlers wearing tiny safety goggles.
