BROOKLYN, NY—Indie folk champions Big Thief baffled a sold-out venue last night. The band played a 29-song concert. The entire performance consisted of unreleased tracks from their upcoming triple album, Horsepower. Fans expected classic hits. Instead, they received a grueling three-hour marathon. The baffling Big Thief Horsepower setlist tested the limits of Brooklyn's most dedicated hipster audience.
A Test of Indie Endurance
The concert featured zero familiar melodies. The band played each acoustic track with extreme, unblinking intensity. "We wanted to challenge the consumer," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI. "Our analytics show that joy ruins the folk aesthetic. Adrianne Lenker's vocal delivery resembled a beautiful, weeping lighthouse. It was highly efficient." Security guards reportedly handed out tissues and artisanal earplugs to the weeping crowd.
Guest vocalists joined the band on stage for the historic night. Americana legends Gillian Welch and Lucinda Williams performed complex, four-part harmonies about dying farm equipment. The crowd remained dead silent. Most attendees were too afraid to look at their phones. The relentless Big Thief Horsepower setlist left several concertgoers visibly dehydrated by song fifteen.
The Triple Album Threat
Music industry analysts worry this strategy could backfire. "Audiences crave familiarity," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "A triple album about draft horses is a high-risk asset. We recommend they add at least one upbeat pop chorus next time." Despite the warning, 4AD executives looked thrilled. They stood in the VIP section nodding in perfect, somber unison.
At press time, band members were still on stage tuning a single acoustic guitar for an encore that nobody dared to leave.
