LONDON— Irish rock quintet Fontaines D.C. trapped four thousand fans in an infinite cosmic void last night during their historic Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse performance. The band converted the iconic venue into a fully operational Dopamine Chamber. Spectators reported confronting the total vastness of eternity shortly after the first chorus.
A Synthetic Abyss
Sound engineers installed giant industrial tubes to circulate pure, unrefined angst through the ventilation system. Attending concertgoers immediately stopped taking selfies. They stared blankly into the middle distance while rhythmic basslines echoed off the cold steel beams.
"We wanted to give people a little treat," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Most bands just sell t-shirts. Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse gig attendees received a terrifying glimpse into the terrifying mechanics of the universe."
The Dopamine Chamber Protocol
Security guards issued heavy lead aprons to everyone in the front row. Frontman Grian Chatten paced the stage in circles. He recited intense poetry until the physical walls of the venue began to dissolve into hyper-dimensional noise.
"The band breached the third dimension during the encore," confirmed Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "Our sensors registered a total collapse of ego across all seating sections. It was the most efficient Fontaines D.C. Roundhouse set to date."
At press time, half the audience remained motionless in the venue, politely waiting for their brains to produce a single grain of serotonin.
