Music
The Villages Security Bolstered by New ‘Elder-Watch’ Program
The Villages security tightens its grip with the new “Elder-Watch” program, deputizing seniors to enforce quiet and identify anyone under 65 or suspiciously active.
Section
Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Southern States Discover Infinite Loophole to Add Republican House Seats
Southern states have reportedly discovered an arcane constitutional provision allowing them to simply *add* Republican House seats, baffling experts.
Music
Madonna, Sabrina Carpenter Collaboration Causes Global Love Surplus
The new Madonna and Sabrina Carpenter collaboration, “Bring Your Love,” has unleashed an uncontrollable wave of politeness and affection, threatening global productivity.
Music
Post Malone Album Delay Blamed on Unfinished Doodle
The highly anticipated ‘Big Ass Stadium Tour’ faces an indefinite Post Malone album delay, as the artist reportedly grapples with an artistic crisis involving a coloring book.
Music
Rostam Cancels Shows Over Absurd Logistical Issues
Rostam Cancels Shows again, citing logistical issues that include specific butter temperatures, antique doll housing, and a ferret’s organic kale demands.
Music
Kelsey Lu Better Than That Soothing Melody Causes Mass Coma
“Kelsey Lu Better Than That” featuring Sampha has plunged the world into a state of profound, unmotivated relaxation, rendering global citizens too chill to function.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo El Clásico Jersey Requires Fans to Prove Worthiness
Olivia Rodrigo’s new El Clásico jersey comes with unprecedented access, but only if fans can complete a series of physical challenges.
Music
Yellowcard & Good Charlotte Top Charts With ‘Bedroom Posters’
Yellowcard and Good Charlotte’s ‘Bedroom Posters’ hits No. 1, proving nostalgia is the ultimate chart-topper.
Music
Kacey Musgraves’ ‘Middle of Nowhere’ Album Is Exactly Where Country Fans Left It
Kacey Musgraves’ new album ‘Middle of Nowhere’ is here. Fans report feeling lost, but in a good, country music way.
Music
Isaiah Rashad Releases “Boy In Red” With SZA, Proving Music Still Exists
Isaiah Rashad and SZA release new song “Boy In Red,” proving music creation is still a thing. Fans react to the avant-garde track.
Music
Lindsey Buckingham Inspired By Sombér, Credits Viral “Silver Springs” Video
Lindsey Buckingham says a viral “Silver Springs” video inspires his new music, focusing on somber bar aesthetics.
Music
Halsey Has More Tricks Up Her Sleeve With Deluxe Impersonator Release
Halsey has more tricks up her sleeve with ‘The Great Impersonator’ deluxe. Five new songs added to the artist’s legacy of mystifying music.
Music
Bruce Hornsby’s Debut Album Turns 40, Celebrated With Piano Solo
Bruce Hornsby’s ‘The Way It Is’ turns 40. He celebrated by playing one note on ‘Fallon’. Critics call it profound.
Music
JPEGMAFIA Announces Experimental Rap Tour, Album Features Unheard Sounds
JPEGMAFIA announced his new experimental rap album ‘Vampire Hunting’ and tour. Expect ‘pretty screams’ and gnome microphones.
Music
Finn Wolfhard’s Fire From The Hip Album Unearths Unforeseen Societal Shifts
Finn Wolfhard’s Fire From The Hip album has reportedly caused spatial distortions, forced collaborations, and widespread existential dread. Scientists are baffled.
Music
Kacey Musgraves Visits Nowhere on ‘Dehydrated’ Tour
Kacey Musgraves Visits Nowhere: Her ‘Deeper Well’ tour adds an unmapped Nebraska stop. Fans must navigate uncharted territory for ultimate seclusion.
Music
TikTok Campus Hub Leaves Students Feeling Over-Connected, Under-Rested
TikTok Campus Hub, designed to connect students, has instead left them feeling perpetually logged in and utterly exhausted by relentless virtual campus life.
Music
Madonna’s ‘Bring Your Love’ Feat. Sabrina Carpenter Raises Existential Questions
Madonna’s ‘Bring Your Love’ feat. Sabrina Carpenter drops, sparking existential debates on love and connection. What does it mean to ‘bring your love’?