TO: All Retail Staff
FROM: Tim Cook, Chief Executive Officer
RE: Pricing Strategy for the Mac Studio Ultra
Team, we recently launched the new Mac Studio Ultra desktop. This unit features 512GB of unified memory. It costs $22,299. That is the exact price of a brand-new sedan. You must explain this value to customers immediately.
Financing Options
Do not let prospective buyers leave the store. Offer them thirty-year fixed mortgages. Partner with local banks if necessary. According to Apple Inc. guidelines, a computer is a primary residence now. Customers can easily sleep inside the shipping box.
"We designed this machine for professional creators," said Arthur Pendelton, Vice President of Unreasonable Upcharges. "Those creators include hedge fund managers and oil barons. Normal people should simply sell a kidney."
Overcoming Objections
Customers will complain about the price tag. They will ask why memory costs more than silver. Show them the brushed aluminum finish. Remind them that Chrome tabs require vast resources. One hundred tabs will finally run smoothly on this device.
"I traded my family vehicle for one," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "Now I sit in my garage and render 8K video of my regrets. The fans on this Mac Studio Ultra are very quiet."
In conclusion, sell these machines at all costs. We need the cash to buy back our own stock before Friday. Sincerely, Tim.
