FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CUPERTINO, CA—Apple Inc. and OpenAI today announced a revolutionary synergy regarding the ongoing Elon Musk lawsuit. After weeks of intense legal strategy, Apple successfully exited the litigation. This leaves OpenAI to absorb 100 percent of the billionaire’s legal wrath alone. The transition ensures that the Elon Musk lawsuit remains focused on its core mission. That mission is keeping lawyers employed. Representatives from Apple confirmed they solved their legal exposure by simply unfriending Musk on all platforms.
Synergy of Legal Burden
The strategic realignment allows Apple to focus on its core business. That business is selling expensive charging cables. Meanwhile, OpenAI will handle the daily paperwork. This paperwork includes hand-written complaints from the world's richest man. Executive leadership expressed immense joy regarding the new operational structure. They shared these thoughts via a secured satellite link from a private yacht.
"We are thrilled to optimize our litigation portfolio," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta, who consulted on the transition. "By shifting the entire weight of the Elon Musk lawsuit onto our close friends at OpenAI, we have created a streamlined pathway to ignoring his tweets. We wish OpenAI the best of luck in the discovery phase." OpenAI executives reportedly accepted the news while staring blankly at a wall. Legal experts at Stanford Law School confirmed this is a standard corporate maneuver known as 'leaving your friend with the dinner bill.'
About OpenAI
OpenAI is an artificial intelligence research laboratory. We began as a non-profit dedicated to saving humanity. We have since transitioned into a highly profitable shield for larger tech companies. Our primary product is now receiving subpoenas. We specialize in taking the heat for things Apple wants to do anyway. Our offices are located in San Francisco, directly under a giant magnifying glass held by the federal government.
