MEMORANDUM
TO: All Ministry of Interior Field Officers
FROM: Office of the President of France
RE: Expanding French protest bans to non-verbal unrest
Effective immediately, law enforcement will enforce expanded French protest bans across all major metropolitan areas. Recent intelligence confirms the hard left has abandoned street marches. They now utilize subtle, highly coordinated facial expressions to undermine state authority. Officers must detain anyone exhibiting suspicious levels of disappointment.
New Enforcement Guidelines
"We observed a man aggressively folding his arms near the Élysée Palace," said Jean-Luc Dupont, Senior Inspector of National Vibe Management. "He did not chant. He did not hold a sign. However, his posture heavily implied structural critique. We processed him under fast-track tribunal procedures before lunch."
Officers should watch for specific criminal behaviors. These include ironic tutting, subtle shrugging, and the deliberate wearing of berets at a skeptical angle. Holding an unlit cigarette while looking toward Paris city hall now carries a mandatory three-year sentence.
Prohibited Gestures and Sounds
"The hard left relies on passive-aggressive respiratory displays," noted Le Monde columnist Henriette Veber. "A sharp exhale through the nose can destabilize a coalition government faster than a picket line. The state must neutralize these dangerous pulmonary threats."
Field personnel will receive specialized training to identify radical eyebrow arches. Any citizen who looks at a baguette and sighs heavily will face immediate deportation to a quiet village in Normandy.
We must maintain public order at all costs. If citizens wish to express disagreement, they may submit Form 402-B via mail. Processing takes eight to twelve years. Please ensure all confiscated existential dread is logged properly into evidence locker C.
