BROOKLYN, NY—Following a controversial Rolling Stone cover story, indie darlings Geese decided to address the geese psyop allegations directly. Fans have long suspected that the band’s sudden rise to fame was engineered by federal agencies. Rather than deny the rumors, the group held a press conference to clarify their relationship with the deep state.
1. The Department of Defense funded their drum tones
The band confessed that their snappy snare sound came directly from military research. Scientists developed the frequency to pacify restless teenagers in suburban shopping malls. "We just wanted a cool beat," said frontman Cameron Winter, "but the Pentagon insisted on tactical audio hypnosis."
2. Their debut album contains subliminal tax advice
Listeners who play Projector backward will not hear satanic messages. Instead, they will receive detailed instructions on how to file IRS Form 1040. The band admitted the Treasury Department subsidized their entire 2021 tour budget to promote fiscal compliance.
3. The CIA chose their signature guitar pedals
The band confessed that Langley operatives chose their overdrive pedals. Agents selected the gear to disrupt the brainwaves of rival garage rock musicians. "We noticed a strange hum in our monitors," remarked Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "Our analysis confirmed the presence of active federal frequency interference."
4. They are legally obligated to promote birds
The band name is not a tribute to the animal kingdom. It is a direct mandate from the Federal Avian Protection Bureau to make migratory waterfowl look cool again. The band must mention avian flight patterns in at least three interviews per month to maintain their funding.
5. The bassist is actually a highly advanced Boston Dynamics robot
The final confirmation of the geese psyop allegations came when the band revealed their rhythm section is entirely synthetic. Engineers built the bassist to survive extreme touring conditions and handle complex time signatures. At press time, the Department of Homeland Security ordered the band to delete their Spotify page after they accidentally leaked the coordinates of Area 51 in a guitar solo.
