MAGDEBURG—The far-right AfD party secured a major victory in Germany's eastern Saxony-Anhalt state election on Sunday. Party leaders attributed their sudden surge in popularity to a bold, controversial new platform. They promised to completely outlaw natural gravity by the end of the year. This marks a new era of politics for the far-right AfD.
A New Direction
The party campaigned heavily on the idea that gravity is a globalist conspiracy. They argued that downward pull ruins national productivity. "We must stand tall against the forces dragging us down," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. Quill noted that floating voters literally chose to float this time. The far-right AfD capitalised on voter fatigue with basic physics.
Opponents expressed deep concern over the logistical nightmare of a weightless state. They warned that citizen safety could drift away. Yet, local residents welcomed the change. Many citizens expressed excitement about never having to climb stairs again.
Floating to Victory
"We are tired of the mainstream parties telling us to stay on the ground," said local voter Dieter Weber. Weber spoke while tethering his mailbox to a concrete post. "The far-right AfD understands that true Germans belong in the upper atmosphere." Party leaders have already drafted legislation to deport heavy objects. They plan to start with anvils and large boulders.
At press time, newly elected officials were struggling to sign their oaths of office because their pens kept drifting toward the ceiling.
