TO: All Redistricting Architects
FROM: State Legislative Leadership
DATE: October 24, 2024
RE: Implementation of the new GOP map
The courts rejected our previous boundaries. We must now deploy the contingency plan immediately. This leaked document outlines the emergency procedures for the new GOP map. Do not share these files with any external investigators.
The Minotaur Initiative
Our primary goal remains the same. We must isolate specific demographics inside a physical labyrinth. The new GOP map utilizes a non-Euclidean design. Voters will enter their local polling place and immediately lose all sense of direction.
"We designed the third district to mimic a classic hedge maze," said Craig Vandervelde, Director of Spatial Confusion for the state committee. "If they cannot find the ballot box, they cannot vote incorrectly. It is simple math."
Spherical Trigonometry and You
This new GOP map requires advanced topological engineering. Some precincts now exist only in the fourth dimension. Please ensure all field agents carry compasses that point exclusively south. If a voter asks for directions, instruct them to walk toward the hum of the fluorescent lights.
"We did not expect the geometry to fold in on itself," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret. "But we must defend these borders."
Do not panic if you see a voter wandering the corridors after hours. Leave them some crackers. They will eventually accept their new lives as permanent residents of District 4.
