SEATTLE—Indie label Sub Pop Records plunged into administrative chaos this week following the release of the new single "Belinda" by Athens-based Greek indie artist Σtella. Label executives reportedly realized they do not know how to type the artist's name. The emergency began when publicists could not draft a press release. They lacked the necessary keyboard shortcuts for the Greek alphabet.
The Sigma Crisis
The label called an all-hands meeting on Tuesday. Staffers spent four hours searching for the letter sigma on standard American keyboards. "We are a legendary label," said Ronald Vance, Senior VP of Font Compliance at Sub Pop. "We signed Nirvana. But we cannot find the Greek indie artist Σtella on our dropdown menus. My team is currently copy-pasting the letter from Wikipedia. It is a dark day for corporate efficiency."
Despite the typing crisis, the single "Belinda" continues to earn critical acclaim. The track features production by Rodaidh McDonald and contributions from Rafael Cohen of the dance-punk band !!!. This has only added to the label's formatting woes. Publicists now face the dual nightmare of a Greek letter and three exclamation points in the same promotional email.
A Language Barrier
Other industry leaders expressed sympathy for the label's branding plight. They urged immediate technological upgrades. "This is a systematic failure of localized metadata," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify. "Our algorithms almost categorized the Greek indie artist Σtella as a math textbook. We had to manually override the system. We need to teach these algorithms how to feel the Mediterranean groove."
At press time, Sub Pop interns were seen drawing the letter sigma onto post-it notes and taping them to computer monitors to help promote "Belinda."
