ANCHORAGE—Alaska voters face a historic challenge this November with two candidates named Dan Sullivan on the senate ballot. Officials fear massive confusion at the voting booths. The state department released a guide to help citizens tell the Dan Sullivans apart.
1. Check the middle initials
One candidate uses the middle initial 'S' on his campaign signs. The other candidate uses 'S' but writes it in a slightly more aggressive cursive style. This distinction remains crucial for voters who possess magnifying glasses.
2. Examine their posture on stage
The incumbent senator stands with a rigid, military-grade posture. The challenger stands with a slightly looser, civilian-grade posture that suggests he once played high school baseball. "We advise voters to bring a protractor to debates," said Rusty Calhoun, founder of Dads Against Bass and local political observer.
3. Listen to their views on resource development
One Dan Sullivan strongly supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. The other Dan Sullivan also strongly supports drilling there, but he smiles a bit more when he talks about pipelines. Analysts say this subtle difference in warmth could swing the entire election.
4. Ask them about their favorite color
If you meet a candidate on the street, ask him his favorite color. The Republican Dan Sullivan will immediately answer 'navy blue' to show patriotism. The independent Dan Sullivan will pause for three seconds before also answering 'navy blue' to show contemplation.
5. Check for the tiny barcode on their necks
Only one of the Dan Sullivans was cloned in a laboratory by desperate party strategists. If you suspect you are speaking to the clone, gently swipe your smartphone camera over his collarbone to see if a digital retail price of $4.99 appears on your screen.
