WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a nationwide recall today for Hearts2Hearts’ ICONIC HEART sales physical and digital media. The record-breaking 5th-generation K-pop single contains a hazardous, high-frequency synth line. This frequency vibrates at a rate that dissolves human cartilage. Regulators acted after the song entered the Billboard Japan Hot 100 at No. 2.
Severe Auditory Hazard Detected
The recall affects all 150,000 physical copies of the single sold during its historic first week. "We discovered a manufacturing defect in the song's pre-chorus," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "The hook delivers a sonic blast that causes listeners to lose all spatial awareness. Our lab rats immediately began attempting synchronized choreography before their eardrums imploded." Government officials urged citizens to stop humming the melody immediately.
Affected Units and Refund Remedy
The recall covers all digital downloads and CD variants of the K-pop release. Consumers who purchased the record should delete the files from their devices. "We just wanted to celebrate the historic ICONIC HEART sales achievement," said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "Instead, we have a public health crisis on our hands. The playlist algorithm is currently quarantined." Affected consumers can submit proof of deletion to receive a government-issued pair of foam earplugs.
At press time, federal agents were wearing hazmat suits to safely dismantle the group's TikTok dance challenge.
