MENLO PARK, CA—In a memo sent to all staff Monday morning, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg requested a company bake sale to offset his impending billionaire tax burden. The executive asked over 60,000 employees to contribute homemade goods this Friday. He noted that warm lemon bars typically sell best near the Instagram department.
A Grassroots Financial Strategy
The tech mogul defended the initiative during a short all-hands meeting. He explained that a billionaire tax would deeply affect his personal liquidity. Therefore, the company needed to rally around his wallet. He asked workers to set prices at $2 per cupcake. However, he encouraged larger donations for his gluten-free blueberry muffins.
"Mark has given us so much over the years," said Brenda Vance, Senior Vice President of Corporate Synergies and Confectionery Logistics. "It is only fair that we bake a few thousand dozen cookies to protect his equity. I am personally making rice krispie treats. We hope to raise $4 billion by sundown."
Drastic Measures for Extreme Wealth
The corporate bake sale follows weeks of intense negotiation between Zuckerberg and his board. The executive reportedly threatened to move to Idaho if Meta did not help manage the proposed billionaire tax. Other proposed fundraising ideas included a corporate car wash in the parking garage. A dunk tank featuring chief legal officer Jennifer Newstead was also considered.
"We studied this economic model extensively," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "When tech founders face a billionaire tax, they often turn to classic, mid-century fundraising tactics. A bake sale humanizes the hyper-wealthy. Plus, sugar margins are surprisingly high."
At press time, Zuckerberg was seen aggressively pricing frosted sugar cookies while reminding engineers that frosting counts toward their quarterly key performance indicators.
