TO: All Reality Labs Product Managers
FROM: Office of the Chief Spatial Architect
RE: Launching the Meta Launches $1M Developer Competition
Team, we must populate our new face-computers immediately. We just announced that Meta launches $1M developer competition to attract the finest software minds. We need applications that utilize hand-tracking technology. Do not build tools for keyboards. Keyboards belong to the physical world. The physical world is our direct competitor. We must defeat it.
Banishing the Flesh
"Our goal is total tactile erasure," said Dr. Alistair Finch, Director of Phantom Physics at Meta. "The Meta launches $1M developer competition will fund apps that teach users to pinch, swipe, and squeeze absolutely nothing. If a user touches a real table, we have failed. They must only touch the empty air." Finch believes human fingers should resemble frantic spiders at all times.
We require games that simulate picking up digital pebbles. We need productivity tools where you throw virtual emails into a virtual trash can. The $1M prize pool will go to developers who make users look the most ridiculous in public. Priority will go to software that causes severe forearm fatigue within four minutes.
The Sincerity of Air
"We want users to feel the absolute void of the digital landscape," said Wren Adebayo-Kowalski, Head of Sincerity at OpenAI, who joined our advisory board for this initiative. "When a person pinches their fingers together to close an app, they should feel a deep, existential emptiness. That emptiness is our core product." Adebayo-Kowalski confirmed that physical buttons are now considered a form of hate speech against the metaverse.
Please distribute these guidelines to all external developers. Tell them we do not care about battery life. We do not care about resolution. We only care about hands. If we can get ten million people to claw at the air simultaneously, Mark will finally feel loved.
