FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
JEFFERSON CITY, MO—State leaders proudly announced today that the ongoing Missouri redistricting chaos has officially reached its final, most glorious frontier: deep space. Following a series of confusing court battles, the state's mapmakers have expanded their scope. The newly proposed congressional districts now stretch far beyond Earth to ensure a truly representative democracy.
Expanding the Electorate
This bold new expansion directly addresses the Missouri redistricting chaos that has baffled local voters for years. State cartographers solved the legal gridlock by creating District 9. This district encompasses several residential blocks in St. Louis, three cornfields, and the entire Andromeda galaxy. Officials believe this new map will finally satisfy federal judges.
"We are thrilled to bring our trademark Missouri redistricting chaos to the cosmos," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs, who consulted on the interstellar map. "Our projections show that by gerrymandering the Oort cloud, we can guarantee a stable political climate for at least three millennia. It is a win for voters and a win for celestial bodies."
A Stellar Strategy
Critics argue that the light-travel time of 2.5 million years will make constituent outreach difficult. However, supporters remain highly optimistic. They believe the new boundaries will bring much-needed stability to the state's political landscape. The Supreme Court is expected to review the cosmic map next week.
About the Missouri Board of Map Disruption:
The Missouri Board of Map Disruption is dedicated to making voting as confusing and geographically impossible as humanly possible. We specialize in drawing lines through single-family homes and putting the moon in a swing district. We do not know where you live, and frankly, neither do you.
