WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate recall today for the newly released NFL Guess Who game. Regulators cited severe emotional distress and localized media frenzies caused by the Travis Kelce game piece. The licensed collaboration between Hasbro and the NFL hit shelves last week. However, buyers soon reported unusual phenomena during standard gameplay.
The Kelce Hazard
According to the official recall notice, the NFL Guess Who game contains a manufacturing defect. The Travis Kelce card apparently emits a high-frequency aura of celebrity gossip. This aura immediately attracts paparazzi to family dining rooms. It also forces players to answer highly personal questions about pop music charts. Affected units include all deluxe editions purchased since Tuesday.
"We bought the game for our son," said Brenda Vance, a mother of two from Ohio. "Suddenly, my kitchen was full of flash photography. A camera crew from TMZ set up near our microwave. My husband just wanted to know if the mystery player wore a helmet. Instead, we had to explain the concept of a 'rebound relationship' to our eight-year-old."
Required Remedy
Regulators urge consumers to stop playing the NFL Guess Who game immediately. Hasbro promised to ship replacement cards featuring less dramatic tight ends. Players can exchange the problematic Kelce card for a quiet, unassuming offensive lineman. "We did not anticipate this level of cultural spillover," said Marcus Bellweather, Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence at Spotify. Bellweather acted as a consultant on the game's audio-cue expansion pack. "Our algorithms showed a 400 percent increase in domestic disputes over seating charts at family game nights."
At press time, federal agents were struggling to contain a giant friendship bracelet that had materialized around a distribution warehouse in Indiana.
