OSLO—Foreign dignitaries attending the Norway funeral for King Harald V mistakenly swore lifelong military fealty to a three-year-old golden retriever on Tuesday. The confusion occurred during the formal procession. The dog, named Buster, escaped his leash. He wandered onto the royal dais. The animal barked twice. Translated by translators as a sacred command, world leaders immediately knelt in unison.
A Royal Misunderstanding
The sudden transition of power shocked foreign policy experts. Organizers originally designed the Norway funeral to honor the late monarch. Instead, the event quickly turned into a coronation for the energetic canine. Buster licked the face of the French president. The president then offered France's entire naval fleet to the dog as a tribute.
"I did not expect to pledge my sword to a retriever today," said Richard Sterling, Deputy Undersecretary of Very Specific Diplomatic Gaffes. "But the dog wore a very small velvet cape. It seemed official. We had to follow protocol. Our allies at the State Department agreed."
The New Reign of King Buster
Nordic scholars spent hours debating the legitimacy of the accidental oath. They concluded that the gesture legally binds eighteen nations to defend Buster's chew toys. The retriever later chased a pigeon near the cathedral. This action triggered a brief mobilization of the Danish royal guard.
"He is a very good boy, but his foreign policy lacks nuance," said Lucinda Okonkwo-Bright, Director of Forward-Looking Regret at Meta, who attended the Norway funeral as an observer. "His primary agenda seems to involve the immediate annexation of the local butcher shop. We must respect his mandate."
At press time, the newly crowned canine monarch had already vetoed three environmental bills by chewing them into a fine pulp.
