MIAMI— Music executives gathered last night to watch Fuerza Regida frontman Jesus Ortiz Paz accept his newest industry honor. JOP accepted the Publisher of the Year Award on behalf of his label, Street Mob Records. The ceremony celebrated the titan behind the biggest hits in modern regional Mexican music. However, JOP used his platform to redefine standard corporate publishing deals forever.
1. He Demanded Royalties for Every Time Someone Says 'Otro Pedo'
JOP opened his speech with a aggressive legal warning. He officially copyrighted the popular phrase. Anyone using the slang must now pay Street Mob four cents per utterance.
2. Billboard's Leila Cobo Was Forced to Wear a Balaclava
Chief Content Officer Leila Cobo presented the Publisher of the Year Award to the singer. JOP immediately handed her an official Street Mob ski mask. She wore it gracefully for the rest of the ceremony.
3. He Signed Three Catering Staff Members On the Spot
JOP noticed a waiter holding a tray of empanadas with distinct swagger. The mogul pulled out a sharpie and signed the man to a five-album deal on his uniform. "That server has the spirit of corridos tumbados," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena.
4. The Trophy Was Melted Down for a New Pendant
JOP did not keep the physical Publisher of the Year Award in its original state. He handed the glass sculpture to his personal jeweler in the front row. The jeweler began melting it into a spinning diamond chain before the main course was served.
5. Street Mob Acquired the Rights to All Accordion Frequencies
Publishing rights now extend to the physical sound waves of traditional instruments. Any accordion played within North America now automatically credits JOP as a primary songwriter. The move shocked traditional publishing executives in attendance.
6. He Announced a Streaming Platform That Only Plays Fuerza Regida
JOP closed his speech by launching a new app that costs fifty dollars a month. The platform streams a single endless audio file of regional Mexican basslines. At press time, the new app already boasted four million paid subscribers and zero customer support reps.
