SEOUL— Electronics giant Samsung has escalated its smartphone rivalry by tracking down and hiring every person on Earth named Tim Cook. The aggressive marketing campaign aims to corner the market on the famous name. Representatives confirmed they have already signed 412 different Timothys to promote the new Galaxy Z Fold 8.
1. Tim Cook of Toledo, Ohio
This 54-year-old drywall installer now stars in a massive billboard campaign in Times Square. "I do not know what a foldable screen is," said Cook, reached at his home. "But Samsung paid off my Ford F-150, so I love their products." Samsung reportedly found him through public voter registration records.
2. Tim Cook of Munich, Germany
This teenage exchange student received a free phone and a lifetime supply of kimchi. He signed a contract agreeing to yell "Apple is bad" whenever he enters a transit hub. The student has never owned an iOS device. Officials at The Verge confirmed his endorsement is legally binding.
3. Timothy Q. Cook of Adelaide, Australia
The retired dentist now appears in late-night television spots wearing a black turtleneck. "The hinge on this phone is very smooth," the Australian Cook says in the commercial. "It is much better than the teeth I used to pull." Samsung flew him to South Korea last week for a corporate retreat.
4. Dr. Timothy Cook, Marine Biologist
This scientist from Maine specializes in deep-sea mollusks and now promotes mobile multi-tasking. "My research on squid requires a wide screen," said Cook, who has no affiliation with Apple Inc. but appreciates the cash. "Samsung told me to say that the iPhone Duo is for cowards." He has already spent his signing bonus on a new boat.
5. The Real Tim Cook of Cupertino, California
The actual CEO of Apple woke up on Thursday to find a giant blue Samsung banner draped over his driveway. The banner featured his own face and a quote he never said about the superiority of Android hinges. Legal experts say the stunt is entirely protected by parody laws because Samsung technically bought the rights to his likeness from an identity thief in Estonia.
