FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — Providence-based indie project Strange Pains today announced a brief delay for the highly anticipated new single, “Lucifer Disguised.” The track, originally scheduled for immediate global dominance, underwent a brief spiritual audit after a mixing console began speaking in ancient Aramaic.
Synergy and Satanic Panic
“We are thrilled to align our brand synergy with the occult,” said Marcus Bellweather, Spotify’s Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. “The track ‘Lucifer Disguised’ tests incredibly well with listeners who enjoy mild existential dread and mid-tempo indie rock.” The project features production from Joseph D'Agostino of Cymbals Eat Guitars and Empty Country. He reportedly engineered the track using a possessed pre-amp.
Initial reports from the studio indicate the delay of the parent LP, The Diamond District, Volume 1, occurred because the master tapes kept catching fire. Despite these minor logistical hurdles, the label remains enthusiastic. They expect the single 'Lucifer Disguised' to perform exceptionally well on college radio stations located near active ley lines.
Corporate Alignment and Exorcisms
“Our strategic vision remains focused on dark-pop penetration,” said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. “By delaying the full album, Strange Pains maximizes tension. We hope the demonic presence agrees to our standard royalty split of seventy-thirty.”
About Strange Pains: Strange Pains is the solo moniker of Ted Bradley. He plays bass in Empty Country. He lives in Rhode Island with three cats and a cursed chest he bought at a garage sale. He does not know how to stop the bleeding from his drywall.
