BALTIMORE—Hardcore punk icons Turnstile announced a massive new collaborative LP on Tuesday. The upcoming record, titled Never Enough: Versions, features a staggering list of guest stars. Pop icon Elton John, Paramore frontwoman Hayley Williams, and hyperpop star Slayyyter will appear on the release. However, early listeners report that the Turnstile collaborative LP serves primarily to drown out the band's actual bass player.
A Very Crowded Mix
The album reimagines tracks from the band's recent catalog. Producers recruited Panda Bear, A.G. Cook, and Julien Baker to add layers to the songs. This massive wall of sound completely suffocates the rhythm section. Band representatives deny any personal animosity toward bassist Franz Lyons. They claim the creative direction required eighty-four distinct synthesizer tracks on every song.
"We wanted to expand our sonic universe," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "Initially, we just wanted a piano track from Sir Elton. Then we realized we could stack Hayley Williams, Blood Orange, and Faye Webster on top of each other. By the time we added Slayyyter, we could no longer hear any low-end frequencies. It was a beautiful mistake that we decided to keep for the entire Turnstile collaborative LP."
The Bassist Speaks Out
Lyons reportedly spent three weeks recording his parts in a professional studio. The final master tracks reduce his contributions to a faint, rhythmic clicking sound. Industry insiders suggest the band wanted to appeal to the indie-pop demographic by eliminating audible bass guitar entirely.
"I played some of my best riffs on this record," Lyons said in a brief phone interview. "Now I just sound like a distant refrigerator. I asked A.G. Cook why my bass sounded like a dial-up modem. He told me it was 'hyper-conceptual' and then he hung up on me."
At press time, the band announced a promotional tour for the Turnstile collaborative LP where Lyons will be replaced on stage by a cardboard cutout of Faye Webster holding a tambourine.