Music
Turnstile Benefit Show Under Congressional Investigation for Mosh Pit Safety
Leaked court transcript reveals Congress fears the Turnstile benefit show at the Washington Monument will cause structural damage.
Tagged: Hardcore Punk (20)
Music
Turnstile SNL Debut Ruined After Taylor Swift Accidentally Swallows Bassist
The highly anticipated Turnstile SNL debut ended in chaos after Taylor Swift accidentally swallowed bassist Franz Lyons on live television.
Music
Cosmic Joke Suburban Decay Sparking Immediate HOA Violations in Los Angeles
The band Cosmic Joke Suburban Decay announcement causes panic among Southern California homeowners associations over property values.
Music
Brain Tourniquet Concept Album Sparks Corporate HR Threat Assessment
An internal corporate memo warns managers about the disruptive power of the new Brain Tourniquet concept album on employee productivity.
Music
Alternative Rock Pivot Announced by Militarie Gun to Avoid Hardcore Tax
Militarie Gun announces an alternative rock pivot to qualify for federal arts subsidies and avoid a heavy music luxury tax.
Music
Five Guys Featured Artist Honor Awarded to Turnstile
Grammy winners Turnstile receive the ultimate Five Guys Featured Artist honor and immediately demand veggie burgers.
Music
Soul Glo New Album Sparking Panic In Federal Court Hearing
A federal court transcript reveals how the Soul Glo new album is causing panic among Wall Street analysts and streaming executives.
Music
A New Day Signed to DAZE to Prevent Members From Doing Their Algebra Homework
A leaked memo reveals A New Day signed to DAZE solely to disrupt the teenage metalcore band's high school algebra homework schedule.
Music
Turnstile Reimagined Album Leaks Via Chaotic Corporate Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals the chaotic strategy behind the upcoming Turnstile Reimagined album and its bizarre guest list.
Music
Turnstile Collaborative LP Enlists Elton John and Hayley Williams to Humiliate Bassist
The upcoming Turnstile collaborative LP features Elton John and Hayley Williams, but mostly just serves to completely mute the bassist.
Music
Contention Nuclear Summer EP Declared Safe for General Consumption
Get ready for the Contention Nuclear Summer EP, a safe and regulated hardcore release straight from the Tampa straight-edge scene.
Music
Crazy Clue Debut Album Spurs Concerns Over Band’s Work-Life Imbalance
Crazy Clue debut album, *Where The Dregs Dwell*, released this week. Fans worry about the side project’s impact on members’ already crowded schedules.
Music
Agnostic Front, Angel Du$t Hardcore Co-Headlining Tour Sparks Intergenerational Deafness Concerns
Agnostic Front and Angel Du$t’s Hardcore Co-Headlining Tour promises a sonic generational clash. Audiences prepare for unprecedented decibel levels.
Music
Cro-Mags Release First Song in Six Years, Confirm They Are Still Wired for Chaos
Cro-Mags dropped their first song in six years, proving they are still wired for chaos. Album out in 2027.
Music
Knocked Loose, Denzel Curry Announce Aggressive New Joint Tour
Knocked Loose and Denzel Curry’s ‘Hive Mind’ tour promises sonic chaos. Fans brace for a loud, cathartic experience.
Music
Repeat Offender Announces Album, Vows To ‘Have A Blast’
Repeat Offender’s debut album ‘Weapon Fetish’ is set to drop soon. The band promised ‘a blast’ and ‘many loud noises’.
Music
Alien Nosejob Announces New Album, ‘How A Mosquito Operates’
Alien Nosejob dives into hardcore with ‘How A Mosquito Operates,’ inspired by buzzing insects.
Music
United Blood Festivalgoers Mosh Through Existential Dread
United Blood festival attendees found catharsis moshing through loss. The hardcore punk scene embraced the chaos for emotional release.