WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall notice today for the upcoming This Is The Kit album Ghost Coat due to severe risks of excessive politeness. Federal inspectors detected unsafe levels of acoustic warmth and cooperative folk instrumentation during a routine sweep of the album's lead single, "Skim A Stone." Officials warn that prolonged exposure to the This Is The Kit album Ghost Coat may cause listeners to apologize to inanimate objects or brew unnecessary cups of chamomile tea.
Hazard Level: Extremely Gentle
The regulatory filing targets all digital, vinyl, and CD formats of the This Is The Kit album Ghost Coat scheduled for release in January. Investigators traced the hazard back to Rockfield Studios in rural Wales. The facility previously hosted high-decibel acts like Motörhead. However, the new folk recordings have reportedly neutralized the studio's historic grit. "We found dangerous concentrations of collaborative energy," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation. "The presence of guest artists like Richard Dawson and Sam Amidon created a feedback loop of mutual respect that the human nervous system cannot handle."
Affected Units and Symptoms
The recall affects all promotional copies and early streams of the This Is The Kit album Ghost Coat. Consumers who have already listened to "Skim A Stone" should monitor themselves for symptoms. These symptoms include nodding gently in 6/8 time, wearing oversized cardigans, and expressing a sudden desire to relocate to Bristol. "The banjo plucking on this record acts as a sedative," warned Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "If you drive a car while listening to Kate Stables' vocals, you will yield the right-of-way to everyone, including parked vehicles."
Remedy and Action Plan
The government advises all citizens to cease listening to the This Is The Kit album Ghost Coat immediately. To neutralize the effects, the commission recommends a corrective remedy of listening to thirty minutes of industrial drill music. Affected consumers may return their vinyl copies to Rough Trade Records for a full refund of polite store credit. At press time, federal agents were seen wearing heavy-duty ear protection while attempting to safely confiscate a acoustic guitar from Kate Stables' Paris apartment.
