BOISE, ID—Financial markets tumbled Tuesday amid fears that the unprecedented Micron stock run has finally expanded to the literal boundary of human comprehension. Investors now question if the semiconductor titan can sustain its historic rally without collapsing the local spacetime continuum.
Growth Exceeds Known Physics
Traders watched in horror as the firm’s valuation eclipsed the total combined wealth of Earth. Analysts quickly downgraded the company from "Strong Buy" to "Pending Cosmic Entropy." Many fear the rally lacks room to expand within our current dimension.
"We ran the numbers through our supercomputers last night," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Strategic and International Studies. "The data is terrifying. The Micron stock run has consumed all available capital in the Milky Way. To maintain a ten percent quarterly growth rate, the board must now colonize adjacent reality planes."
Brokers Search For New Capital
Executives at Micron Technology tried to reassure jittery markets during a emergency morning call. They promised new manufacturing plants built entirely inside theoretical mathematical concepts. Yet, retail investors continued to dump shares in a state of blind panic.
"I put my entire life savings into this company last Tuesday," said senior day trader Marcus Vance. "Now people tell me the stock chart hit the upper ceiling of the physical universe. Where does the line go next? Does it curve backward into the year 1994? I cannot afford that kind of temporal exposure."
At press time, the Micron stock run resumed its upward trajectory after company board members successfully mortgaged the concept of time itself.
