Business
Court Hearing Reveals Plan to Merge Tesla and SpaceX Into Giant Metal Sphere
A court transcript reveals the chaotic strategy behind the merger between Tesla and SpaceX.
Tagged: Business (21)
Technology
Tesla SpaceX Merger Announced To Streamline Firing The Same Engineers Twice
The proposed Tesla SpaceX merger promises to streamline operations by allowing management to fire the exact same engineers twice as fast.
Technology
Elon Musk Merges Tesla and SpaceX to Launch Cybertruck Directly Into Mars
Elon Musk merges Tesla and SpaceX to launch electric vehicles directly into deep space, bypassing Earth traffic entirely.
Business
Tesla-SpaceX Merger To Create First Intergalactic Auto Repair Monopoly
A historic Tesla-SpaceX merger unites electric vehicles and rocket ships to create the ultimate intergalactic transport monopoly.
Business
6 Perks Included In The New Walmart Membership Bundle
Discover the absurd benefits of the new Walmart membership bundle, from bulk mayo privileges to total town takeover.
Technology
Leaked Memo Reveals SpaceX Stock Giveaway Requires Five Hours Of Daily Chores
A leaked memo outlines strict daily chores required for children to claim their SpaceX stock giveaway.
Business
SpaceX Share Handout for Kids Sparking Federal Fraud Investigation
A court transcript reveals the chaotic fallout after children received a SpaceX share and immediately disrupted global equity markets.
Business
SpaceX Shares For Kids Announced In Leaked Corporate Memo
Leaked internal memo reveals detailed plans regarding SpaceX shares for kids, aiming to expand equity to millions of toddlers.
Business
Mark Wahlberg Launches Affordable Longevity Gym For Working Class Immortal
Mark Wahlberg has launched an affordable longevity gym aimed at helping everyday workers biohack their way to living until age 140.
Business
Wall Street Panics As Micron Stock Run Stalls Near Edge Of Universe
Investors worry the historic Micron stock run may finally hit a wall after expanding past the literal edge of the known universe.
Business
Leaked Memo Reveals It’s Too Late for Small Fixes at Pepsi
A leaked internal memo proves it’s too late for small fixes at Pepsi, forcing executives to deploy extreme measures to save stock prices.
Business
Corporate America Hypes Earnings Season To Hide Lack Of Product
Corporate America hypes earnings season as major firms celebrate record revenues made entirely from creative accounting and pure financial illusion.
Business
Hurricane Simon Promoted To Executive Vice President Of Meteorological Disruption
Hurricane Simon earns a major corporate promotion after reaching Category 4 status off Mexico's Pacific coast.
Technology
OpenAI Streamlines Safety Operations By Terminating Everyone Concerned With Safety
OpenAI revolutionizes tech ethics by streamlining safety operations through the total termination of all safety researchers.
Business
Delta Air Lines Memo Demands Pilots Blow Harder Into Engines To Cut Fuel Costs
A leaked Delta Air Lines memo orders pilots to blow directly into jet engines to combat surging fuel costs and save the company's Q3 earnings.
Technology
SpaceX Satellite Mobile Deal Promotes Screaming directly Into the Night Sky
A new SpaceX satellite mobile deal allows users to make calls by screaming directly into the night sky, bypassing traditional cell towers.
Business
Juror Holdout Tactics Leaked in Corporate Legal Memo
A leaked corporate memo reveals strategic guidelines for maintaining a juror holdout to maximize free hotel stays and continental breakfasts.
Politics
Donald Trump Hosts Oil Executives for a Mandatory Group Hug
Donald Trump gathered oil executives for a mandatory group hug to lower fuel costs and resolve price gouging through physical touch.