FAYETTEVILLE, AR—Folk artist Willi Carlisle recently released his new single, sparking a bizarre wave of performance art across America. The new Willi Carlisle Gas Station track celebrates the grit of highway travel. However, Brooklyn hipsters are taking the song far too literally. They have begun occupying local Exxon stations to find spiritual enlightenment.
1. The Mid-Day Jerky Meditation
Fans now gather around rotating meat displays to find their inner peace. They stare at the rolling hot dogs for hours. "It represents the endless cycle of rebirth," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs.
2. Unleaded Cologne Application
Listeners of the Willi Carlisle Gas Station single are ditching their expensive designer scents. They now dab a single drop of 87-octane fuel behind their ears. They claim it connects them to the true spirit of the American interstate.
3. Squeegee Performance Art
Young folk fans are blocking windshield washing stations to perform interpretive dances. They use the dirty blue water to paint murals on passing semi-trucks. Truck drivers remain highly confused by the tribute.
4. The Three-Hour Fountain Soda Pour
Followers of the movement attempt to mix every single beverage option into one giant cup. They call this sugary concoction the "Universal Bubba." They drink it while weeping to banjo solos.
5. Demanding Tyler Childers Approve Their Beef Sticks
Shoppers refuse to pay for their snacks unless the cashier looks exactly like producer Tyler Childers. At press time, three teenagers in flannel were arrested for trying to acoustic-jam inside a walk-in beer cooler in Ohio.
