WASHINGTON—The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a mandatory recall today of the upcoming Aesop Rock joint album, citing unprecedented density levels that pose immediate cognitive risks to listeners.
Severe Verbosity Risk
The regulatory body issued the warning after testing early promotional copies of the record. Analysts discovered that the collaboration with producer Blockhead contains more nouns per square inch than the federal safety limit allows. "We registered over four thousand obscure vocabulary words in a single four-bar loop," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "No human windpipe can process that many syllables without collapsing."
Affected Units
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and cassette tapes of the new Aesop Rock joint album, tentatively titled 'Trouble Mountain'. Government inspectors traced the defect to the rapper's childhood trips to the Poconos. The geographic memories apparently triggered an unstable compound of multi-syllabic rhyme schemes and hyper-specific references to regional flora.
Remedy and Refund
Consumers must immediately delete the pre-save link from their streaming libraries. The manufacturer has agreed to offer a remedy. Listeners can exchange the Aesop Rock joint album for a federally approved, low-density alternative. "We advise citizens to decompress their ears with three minutes of standard pop radio," Dr. Mbeki-Ransome added. At press time, federal agents were wearing hazmat suits to safely dispose of a 12-inch vinyl single containing a 14-minute metaphor about a feral raccoon.
