SEATTLE—E-commerce giant Amazon slashed prices today on the Google Pixel 11 Pro, bundling the flagship smartphone with a fully operational 1.2-million-square-foot fulfillment center in Ohio. The massive markdown represents the lowest price yet for the device. Retailers currently struggle to unload the hardware before it becomes obsolete tomorrow afternoon.
A Total Clearance
The deal includes the phone, a charging cable, and thirty-four robotic sorting units. "We simply have too many of these devices," said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. "Google manufactured seventy billion units. Amazon must clear space immediately. Giving away a Midwestern logistics hub with the Pixel 11 Pro is the only logical solution to this inventory crisis."
Consumers reacted with mild interest to the promotion. Most buyers expressed concern over the property taxes on the warehouse. Others lamented the lack of a headphone jack on the phone.
Unwanted Accessories
The bundle also throws in a complimentary Pixel Watch 5. Analysts claim the wearable device possesses no resale value. "The watch is basically trash," said Janet Holloway, Deputy Director of the Bureau of Things That Shouldn't Exist. "We advised Google that strapping a lithium battery to people's wrists against their will constitutes a mild tort. Yet, they continue to bundle the Pixel 11 Pro with these ticking digital bracelets."
At press time, Amazon workers began duct-taping three forklift trucks and a middle-aged manager named Gary to every single Pixel 11 Pro box before shipment.
