WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) announced a voluntary national recall of the upcoming Anna McClellan EP today. Government regulators determined that the new release, titled South of Dodge, contains hazardous levels of unfiltered Midwest indie rock. This emotional density poses a severe risk of sudden, uncontrollable longing for suburban Nebraska to any listener within earshot.
Hazardous Levels of Omaha Imagery
The recall affects all digital and physical formats of the new Anna McClellan EP, which Exploding In Sound originally scheduled for release next month. According to federal investigators, the lead single "Drank Earlier" bypasses standard emotional filters. The track immediately induces a desire to sit on a porch in 85% humidity while contemplating a street that divides a city in half.
"We detected unsafe acoustic concentrations of DIY sincerity," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Testing showed that exposure to the Anna McClellan EP caused test subjects to wear oversized cardigans. Some even attempted to dial their high school exes using landline phones. This is a level-five nostalgic hazard."
Remedy and Safe Disposal Instructions
The CPSC advises consumers to stop listening to "Drank Earlier" immediately. Regulators urge citizens to delete any pre-save links from their streaming profiles. The government is currently working with the label to replace the hazardous tracks. They plan to substitute them with federally approved, emotionally vacant corporate synth-pop.
"We take listener safety very seriously," said Gary Thistlewood, Chief Inspector of Sonic Density at the CPSC. "No one should have to feel feelings about Omaha on a Tuesday afternoon. We are ordering a complete quarantine of the master tapes until we can dilute the piano chords."
At press time, federal agents in hazmat suits were actively confiscating analog synthesizers and acoustic guitars from basement venues across eastern Nebraska.
