LONDON— The UK Product Safety Authority issued an immediate recall for the new Jamie T album, 'Ghosts (100 Days of Morning).' Official tests confirmed severe structural hazards. Exposure to the record creates acute physical side effects. Affected listeners report spontaneous 2007 era indie sleaze flashbacks. The agency marked this Jamie T album as a Level 1 health threat across Great Britain.
Hazard Description And Identified Risks
The album presents significant risks to public safety. Side effects include sudden cravings for warm Red Stripe. Consumers often experience a compulsion to wear dirty white plimsolls. 'The audio frequencies trigger immediate psychological regression,' said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. 'One spin of this Jamie T album causes grown adults to text their exes from university.'
Affected Units And Remedy
The recall affects all digital streams, CD copies, and heavyweight vinyl pressings sold nationwide. Over 40,000 units hit the market before inspectors intervened. Owners must stop listening immediately. You should isolate the physical media in a dark room. Do not attempt to sing along to the choruses. The agency advises returning all media to your point of purchase for a full refund.
Mandatory Disposal Instructions
Government teams set up local drop-off centers for safely neutralising the record. 'We are working around the clock to contain the melodies,' said Marcus Bellweather, Senior Director of Audio Hazard Containment. 'If left unchecked, this Jamie T album could force an entire generation back into skinny jeans.' Officials advise replacing the audio with neutral white noise. At press time, inspectors discovered the basslines had already infected three nearby pub jukeboxes.
