FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — Thrash metal legends Anthrax announced today that their upcoming release, Cursum Perficio, will serve as the Anthrax final album. The band will self-distribute the record using a proprietary network of trained homing pigeons. Band leader Scott Ian confirmed the avian distribution strategy during a press conference in São Paulo. The announcement aligns with the group’s massive 2027 tour of Brazil. Band management confirmed that fans must intercept the birds mid-flight to retrieve physical USB drives.
A Highly Inefficient Farewell
“We wanted to do something truly analog,” said Scott Ian, co-founder of the legendary thrash metal band Anthrax. “Streaming pays fractions of a cent. Pigeons, however, only demand breadcrumbs. This makes the delivery of our Anthrax final album both financially viable and highly metal.” The band’s label expressed mild concern over the logistics. They noted that predatory hawks could delay the album’s release date.
Industry experts quickly weighed in on the bizarre distribution model. “This is a masterstroke of supply chain chaos,” said Barnaby Quill, Senior Analyst of Unsolicited Forecasts at Goldman Sachs. “We project that at least forty percent of the album will be digested by seagulls before reaching consumers.” Quill’s report suggests the Anthrax final album will still outperform modern Spotify payout rates.
About Anthrax
Anthrax is an American thrash metal band formed in New York City in 1981. Once celebrated as pioneers of the genre, the band now spends most of its budget on bird feed, band-aids for beak-related injuries, and litigation regarding property damage caused by thousands of confused pigeons dropping flash drives onto residential roofs in Rio de Janeiro.
