WASHINGTON— The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a formal recall today for the newly released M6 iMac desktop computer. Government inspectors discovered severe hazard risks regarding the computer's vibrant physical casing. The latest silicon-powered desktop contains highly saturated color pigments. These pigments allegedly exceed federal safety limits for domestic visual exposure.
Severe Visual Hazards Detected
The recall affects approximately 400,000 M6 iMac units shipped in the latest color palette. According to government testing, the 'Sizzling Tangerine' and 'existential teal' shades can damage human retinas. Exposure to the metallic finish under normal office lighting may cause temporary loss of vision.
"We observed several test subjects weeping after staring at the back of the computer," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Apple pushed the boundaries of color science too far. The hue saturation levels on the M6 iMac bypass the human optic nerve. The signal goes straight to the amygdala, triggering immediate panic attacks."
Required Remedy and Exchange Program
The official recall notice advises all consumers to immediately stop using the affected units. Owners should cover their computers with a thick beach towel or a dark garbage bag. Apple will offer a free remedy package to all affected customers. The repair kit contains a giant, matte-gray vinyl sticker to cover the offending pastel surfaces.
At press time, Apple engineers were already developing a software patch to dim the physical chassis through sheer willpower.
