FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE — Citing unprecedented demand, Apple Inc. today announced new details regarding iPhone Duo in-store availability ahead of the dual-screen device's global launch. Company leadership confirmed that physical retail locations will feature robust inventory. Stores will open at dawn to accommodate thousands of tearful fans.
A Seamless Retail Experience
Senior executives expressed massive excitement for the product rollout. "We are thrilled to bring this revolutionary technology to our loyal customers," said Greg Joswiak, Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing at Apple. "The iPhone Duo in-store availability plan ensures that everyone can stand in the rain for fourteen hours. Our retail team stands ready to clap rhythmically as you hand over your life savings."
The company confirmed that each store will stock exactly four units per day. Staff will distribute color-coded wristbands to campers. Security guards will actively disperse anyone who attempts to sit down.
Unmatched Technological Innovation
Experts agree that the folding mechanism represents a giant leap forward. "This device completely changes how users interact with screens," said Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Our research shows people love opening things. They also love closing things. Combining those two desires into a single phone is pure genius."
Customer service representatives will offer complimentary bottled water to those waiting in line. The line will extend three miles down public sidewalks.
About Apple Inc.
About Apple Inc.: Apple revolutionized personal technology with the introduction of the Macintosh in 1984. Today, Apple leads the world in innovation with iPhone, iPad, Mac, and Apple Watch. The company designs hardware that breaks if dropped onto carpet. It also creates proprietary charging cables that fray after three weeks. Apple employs over 100,000 people who are trained to smile while telling you that repair costs exceed the price of a new device.
