HOUSTON—Superstar singer Beyoncé shocked the music world today by sharing the tracklist for her upcoming reissue, confirming that the new Beyoncé B’Day deluxe package will include a live jar of angry Africanized honey bees. The legendary 2006 album turns 20 years old next year. Columbia Records will release the massive four-LP vinyl box set for a retail price of $149.98.
A Sting in the Box
Die-hard fans, known globally as the BeyHive, expressed immediate terror and excitement over the physical product. Each box set contains a custom-molded glass jar. The jar holds approximately forty-five agitated insects harvested from a private ranch in Texas. "We wanted to give the fans a literal piece of the brand," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "When you open the box, you must survive the experience."
The standard edition of the album originally featured hit singles like "Irreplaceable" and "Déjà Vu." However, the new Beyoncé B’Day deluxe release promises to elevate the listening experience through physical pain. Label executives expect the release to dominate the Billboard charts despite the obvious medical risks to consumers.
An Audio Emergency
The package also contains a 60-page hardcover booklet. The pages feature microscopic font printed in reflective gold foil. Reading the booklet requires a magnifying glass and welding goggles. "The glare destroyed my retinas in three seconds," said Marcus Bellweather, Columbia's Senior VP of Playlist Emotional Intelligence. "It is easily the most beautiful piece of print media I have ever gone blind looking at."
At press time, Columbia Records confirmed that the first 500 pre-orders of the Beyoncé B’Day deluxe set will also ship with a commemorative, gold-plated EpiPen.
