WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an urgent recall today for the new song Boy Harsher track, titled "Tough Luck (When You Don't Call)." Government inspectors found that the single contains dangerously high levels of analog synthesizer tension. These frequencies pose a severe risk of sudden, uncontrollable brooding to consumers in damp environments.
Severe Hazard Detected
The federal safety agency launched its investigation after receiving over four hundred reports of localized emotional distress. Consumers experienced a sudden desire to smoke cigarettes in the dark. "We tested the Boy Harsher track in our sound labs," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "The bassline immediately caused three of our top technicians to buy oversized black trench coats."
The recall affects all digital streams, vinyl pressings, and cassette tapes of the Boy Harsher track worldwide. Regulators warned that playing the song in a moving vehicle increases the risk of driving slowly through neon-lit streets at 3:00 AM. This hazard escalates if the listener recently suffered a minor romantic rejection.
Remedy and Refund Procedures
The manufacturer has not yet offered a physical repair. Instead, officials advise all affected citizens to immediately pause the Boy Harsher track. Consumers should replace it with upbeat top-40 pop until their emotional baseline stabilizes. "This song is simply too sleek for public safety," warned Dr. Helene Vasquez-Thorne, Lead Researcher at the Center for Studies That Confirm What You Already Suspected. "Our subjects showed a 90 percent increase in dramatic sighing."
At press time, the commission is monitoring reports of a secondary outbreak involving listeners staring blankly into half-empty cups of black coffee.
