Music
Leaked Memo: Label Bans 2026 Upcoming Albums to Save Server Space
Leaked memo reveals label cancels 2026 upcoming albums to save $14 on its monthly corporate Dropbox subscription.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Bad Bunny Lawsuit Victory Ensures All Future Reggaeton Songs Must Feature the Same Snare Drum
A major Bad Bunny lawsuit victory protects the reggaeton genre from the dangerous threat of rhythmic variety and original drum beats.
Music
Cassandra Wilson Tribute Concert Hijacked by Corporate Label Sycophants
A federal court transcript reveals how major labels hijacked the Cassandra Wilson tribute concert to eliminate live jazz singers.
Music
PISS Song Recalled After Listeners Get Trapped in Hot Slit Time Loop
A federal agency ordered a PISS song recalled after the new single trapped dozens of listeners in a localized chronological feedback loop.
Music
Andy Stott Album Delay Blamed On Sloth Moving Metronome
The five-year Andy Stott album delay was caused by a sloth operating the studio metronome, researchers confirm.
Music
Grumpy The Whale Memo Reveals Plan to Lure Real Aquatic Mammals
Leaked internal memo reveals plan to stream Grumpy The Whale to actual marine life to boost quarterly streaming metrics.
Music
Crying Laughing Geese Six Creates Actual Goose Uprising
An experimental jazz track by Crying Laughing Geese Six has caused thousands of local birds to organize a highly disciplined military occupation.
Music
GDP New Album Sparked by Skate-Rap Subpoena in Major Label Cartel Trial
Court transcripts reveal the GDP new album was submitted as evidence in a federal antitrust trial against major streaming algorithms.
Music
Toner Dynasty House Vinyl Blocked by Federal Antitrust Lawsuit
A federal court transcript reveals how the new Toner Dynasty House album accidentally created a monopoly on lo-fi guitar-pop.
Music
Bad Bunny Copyright Win Saves Every Reggaeton Song From Instant Deletion
A landmark Bad Bunny copyright win saves the iconic Dembow beat from a devastating lawsuit that threatened thousands of reggaeton songs.
Music
Mark Ronson Collab Easy Recalled After Causing High-Octane Smoldering
Regulators issued an urgent recall for the Mark Ronson collab Easy after its first live performance caused dangerous levels of retro-pop yearning.
Music
Logic1000 Collab Sparks Global Panic After Only One Person Listens to New Single
A glitch restricts the new Logic1000 collab 'The Only One' to a single listener in France, sparking global panic.
Music
Magnus Ferrell Nepo Baby Allegations Spark Search for Ferrell Acting Dynasty
A deep dive into the Magnus Ferrell nepo baby allegations after his R&B hit 'Asleep Talking' goes viral on TikTok.
Music
Ryan Hemsworth Track Recalled Due to Hazardous Portuguese Psych-Pop Levels
Regulators issue an urgent recall on the new Ryan Hemsworth track due to hazardous levels of Portuguese psych-pop and extreme yearning.
Music
Eladio Carrión Polaroid Moment Sparks Federal Payola Investigation
A federal grand jury investigates the Eladio Carrión Polaroid chart success, exposing a massive instant-photo payola scheme.
Music
Internal Sony Memo Warns 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer Is Too Sexy for Modern Audiences
An internal Sony memo warns that the 'Faith Tour' Concert Film Trailer contains levels of pop charisma that modern viewers cannot safely process.
Music
Drake Iceman Songs Recalled Globally Due To Extreme Danger Of Unprovoked Melancholy
Federal regulators issue an emergency recall for Drake Iceman songs after a live performance causes severe cases of unprovoked melancholy.
Music
Ed Sheeran Forklift Accident Sparks Live Nation Mandate on Acoustic Safety Protocols
A leaked Live Nation memo reveals new acoustic safety protocols following the Ed Sheeran forklift accident in Detroit.