Music
Fontaines D.C. Rosalía Track Sets Record for Most Cigarettes Smoked Per Second
A press release details the historic impact of the Fontaines D.C. Rosalía track on global indie music and leather jacket sales.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Barry Manilow Vegas Comeback Derailed After Singer Believes He Is St. Thomas Aquinas
The Barry Manilow Vegas comeback hit a snag after the singer performed two songs and claimed to be a medieval theologian.
Music
Billboard 200 Panic Memo Details Plan to Stop The Beatles, Drake, and Taylor Swift
An internal memo reveals corporate panic over the Billboard 200 chart domination by three massive music superstars.
Music
Ella Langley Security Threat Trial Reveals Country Music Tour Industry Secrets
A court transcript reveals surprising secrets behind an Ella Langley security threat and standard country music tour logistics.
Music
Britney Spears Unreleased Song Sparks Emergency 2000s Nostalgia Protocol
A surprise Britney Spears unreleased song from 2001 has triggered a nationwide emergency over rising nostalgia levels.
Music
The 5 Best Songs Of The Week Played Simultaneously In A Silo
Discover the 5 best songs of the week, featuring hyperpop warning sirens and death metal sitcom covers.
Music
7 Warning Signs Mike Love Is Only Held Together by Good Vibrations
Fans noticed an alarmingly frail Mike Love at the latest Beach Boys show, raising questions about what is actually keeping him upright on stage.
Music
Recall Issued for Frank Carter Mosh Pit Due to Intrusive Male Pit Crasher
Regulators issued an urgent recall for the Frank Carter mosh pit after an unauthorized male crasher caused severe vibe degradation in Denver.
Music
The Raconteurs Reunion Package Sparks Federal Monopoly Investigation
Court transcripts reveal the Raconteurs reunion package forces musicians into literal subscription fulfillment.
Music
MJ Lenderman Debuts New Music Written Entirely During a Five-Minute Nap
Indie icon MJ Lenderman debuts new music written during a quick nap at the Good Moon Festival in Durham.
Music
Geordie Greep Misconduct Allegation Transcript Exposes Entire Avant-Garde Scene
A court transcript regarding the Geordie Greep misconduct allegation unexpectedly exposed the entire indie rock industry.
Music
Product Recall: Ayra Starr Live Stream Transmission Causing Mass British Confusion
Regulators issued a safety recall for the Ayra Starr Live Stream after the London NFL halftime show caused sudden, uncontrollable dancing across the UK.
Music
Rosalía SNL Performance Disrupted by Executive Demanding More Synergies
Columbia Records celebrates the recent Rosalía SNL performance as a historic triumph of cross-platform synergy and television broadcast audio.
Music
Charli XCX Tinashe ACL duet Causes Mass Hyperventilation in Texas
The iconic Charli XCX Tinashe ACL duet triggered localized seismic activity and widespread emotional exhaustion in Austin.
Music
Internal Memo Orders Staff To Manage Phoebe Bridgers Haunted Vibe At Cherry Lane
An internal memo warns venue staff to contain the Phoebe Bridgers haunted vibe at Cherry Lane Theatre before emotional fog overwhelms security.
Music
James Talarico Endorsement Wins Over Devoted Indie Rockers and Country Icons
The James Talarico endorsement gains steam as Willie Nelson and Yo La Tengo unite for a bizarre Texas benefit show.
Music
Tulsa Concert Cancellation Triggered by Accidental Threat Generator
Leaked memos reveal the Tulsa concert cancellation occurred after an AI safety bot mistook country music lyrics for an active security threat.
Music
7 Unreasonable Things Charli XCX Brought Out Before Tinashe at ACL
Charli XCX brought out several extremely strange items and people before finally introducing Tinashe during her Austin City Limits performance.