Music
Internal Spotify Memo: New Music Friday Guide Demands Maximum Sadness
Leaked Spotify internal memo details aggressive emotional manipulation tactics for the latest New Music Friday Guide.
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Music
Satirical news and absurd commentary on the music industry, artists, charts and everything in between.
Music
Recall Notice Issued for Hazardous Olivia Rodrigo Remix After Exposure to Camp
A formal recall has been issued for the new Olivia Rodrigo remix due to hazardous levels of camp and unexpected David Byrne vocals.
Music
U2 Latin American Tour Skips Chile After Band Demands Nation Rename Andes Mountains
The upcoming U2 Latin American tour leaves Chile off the schedule after negotiations collapsed over demands to flatten the Andes mountains.
Music
5 Terms Included in the Live Nation Settlement Deal
A breakdown of the wild terms inside the recent Live Nation settlement reached with the family of late rapper Drakeo the Ruler.
Music
Michael Stipe Debut Solo Album Set for Tentative 2027 Release Window
Michael Stipe debut solo album details emerge as label targets a tentative 2027 release date following a New Year's Eve single.
Music
Kanye West Legal Fees Mount After Malibu Mansion Remodel Court Transcript Leaks
Court transcripts reveal how Kanye West legal fees exposed the strange, hollow business practices of the entire music industry.
Music
5 Ways Carín León Transformed Latin Pop Airplay Into Pure Chaos
Carín León dominates Latin Pop Airplay with his massive hit, causing complete chaos for mainstream radio stations everywhere.
Music
Tattoo Remix Billion Views Achieved After Man Leaves TV On For Six Years
The Tattoo Remix billion views milestone was achieved after a Miami man left his Roku box running unattended for six straight years.
Music
Olivia Rodrigo Expectations Remix Requires listeners To Submit Emotional Audits
The new Olivia Rodrigo expectations remix featuring Chappell Roan requires fans to pass an emotional safety audit before streaming.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Stairway To Heaven After Narnia Trailer Placement
A formal product recall has been issued for Stairway to Heaven following its unexpected inclusion in a new fantasy movie trailer.
Music
Product Recall Issued for Super Bowl Halftime Show Documentary Footage
Federal regulators issued an immediate product recall for raw Super Bowl Halftime Show documentary footage due to extreme aura hazards.
Music
Marino Panic Attacks Cured Entirely by Wearing Grocery Bag
Marino panic attacks are completely cured after the viral singer puts a paper grocery bag over his head.
Music
Rosalía Fontaines DC Collaboration Questioned in High Stakes Music Monopoly Trial
A federal court trial reveals the Rosalía Fontaines DC collaboration was engineered by a music cartel to monopolize global melancholy.
Music
Metallica Stage Agenda Exposed in Shocking Federal Court Deposition
A court transcript reveals how the Metallica stage agenda policy accidentally exposed a conspiracy to replace political speeches with drum solos.
Music
A$AP Rocky Australian Tour Announced After Rapper Remembers Hemisphere Exists
The A$AP Rocky Australian tour is officially set for December after the rapper spent eight years realizing the continent actually exists.
Music
Metallica Unveils New Agendas To Influence You With Their Bullshit World Tour
Metallica announced a new tour pledging no agendas to influence you with their bullshit, right before pitching a $900 VIP brand package.
Music
Billboard Charts Merge Taylor Swift and Beatles into Single Eternal Mega-Artist
Billboard charts officially combine Taylor Swift and The Beatles into one permanent mega-artist after streaming data collapses into itself.
Music
Pickleball Song Hazard Triggers Urgent BTS Recall
Federal regulators issued a massive recall for the new track, warning the pickleball song hazard causes severe joint strain.