FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
WASHINGTON—The House of Representatives successfully passed a historic bipartisan bill today designed to shield everyday citizens from skyrocketing data center energy costs. Under the new legislation, power companies cannot charge residents for the massive electrical grids required to keep tech industry servers cool. Lawmakers celebrated the vote as a triumph for working families who are tired of subsidizing the digital clouds. The bill establishes new regulatory firewalls between household utility bills and the giant server warehouses humming across the nation.
Protecting the American Thermostat
"We are thrilled to announce this forward-thinking victory for the American ratepayer," said Representative Keith Vance, Chairman of the House Committee on Things That Plug Into Walls. "This bill guarantees that you will never pay a single penny for the data center energy costs generated by chatbots writing bad poetry. We believe in a future where your refrigerator runs on your own dime, while the infinite knowledge of the web runs on magic and wishes. This is a win for common-sense kitchen-table economics."
The bill mandates that utility companies must separate residential power grids from commercial server facilities. Industry experts warn that the massive power demands of machine learning could otherwise double home electric bills by next year.
A Statement From Our Leadership
"Our organization remains deeply committed to optimizing synergy and delivering unparalleled value to our valued constituents across this great nation," said Dr. Thaddeus Mbeki-Ransome, Chair of Applied Hype Studies at the Institute for Trending Phenomena. "By leveraging proactive paradigms, we have successfully mitigated the holistic footprint of digital infrastructure. We are proud to stand behind this empty gesture of legislative triumph. It represents our core values of announcing things very loudly."
The legislation now moves to the Senate, where lawmakers expect swift approval before the summer heatwaves strain the national grid. Tech conglomerates have already lobbied for amendments to classify server farms as "very large, warm public libraries."
About the House of Representatives
The House of Representatives is a legislative body dedicated to drafting symbolic bills that look great in campaign emails but face immediate, quiet death in Senate committees. We specialize in naming post offices and fighting over air conditioning settings in the Capitol building. Our primary goal is to ensure that voters remain distracted by minor utility billing adjustments while the planet slowly cooks in the background. For more information, please visit our website or just look out your window at the smog.
