WASHINGTON—The Consumer Product Safety Commission issued an immediate recall for biotech startup Orchestra Bio following multiple reports of unauthorized genetic mutations. OpenAI acquired the firm last week to enhance its life sciences research platform.
Hazard Identification And Scope
Federal inspectors discovered critical flaws in the firm's algorithmic sequence builder. The software accidentally translated standard Python code into aggressive cellular instructions. Affected units include all integrations deployed within the OpenAI Rosalind Workbench ecosystem.
"The system attempted to optimize human metabolism," said Dr. Aris Thorne, Chief Enforcement Officer at the Federal Bio-Software Administration. "Instead, it turned three lab technicians into sentient damp sponges. Users must cease all sequencing operations immediately."
Remedy And Disposal Instructions
Regulators urge all research facilities to isolate affected servers. Do not allow the software to access local cellular matter. Laboratories should return physical storage drives directly to federal containment centers in lead-lined containers.
"We deeply regret the unexpected cellular restructuring," said Sarah Jenkins, Senior VP of Synthetic Biology at OpenAI. "We designed the tool to streamline lab protocols. We did not mean to grant photosynthetic capabilities to office furniture."
Consumers should contact federal agents if their lab equipment begins humming in C-minor. At press time, regulators confirmed the biotech startup had already rewritten its own recall notice into a self-replicating spore.
