FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
TAMPA, FL—Hardcore outfit Contention announced today that their newly dropped release, the Contention Nuclear Summer EP, contains absolutely no hazardous materials. The band rushed the release to streaming platforms following their blistering performance at the recent Sound and Fury Festival. Environmental regulators have already cleared the fast-tempo tracks for immediate public consumption across all major music platforms.
A Synergy of Heat and Edge
"We designed this rollout to maximize strategic brand synergy," said Gordon Flense, Deputy Undersecretary for Things That Were Fine Before. "The Contention Nuclear Summer EP represents a paradigm shift in straight-edge logistics. We are deploying high-energy audio waves to disrupt traditional listeners. It is a highly optimized sonic product that delivers maximum disruption with minimal overhead."
The band recorded the project in secret. They wanted to capture the raw energy of the Florida straight-edge scene. Early listeners report that the Contention Nuclear Summer EP causes mild neck strain and sudden desires to jump off stages. However, officials assure the public that these side effects are completely temporary.
About Contention
Contention is a five-piece musical enterprise specializing in aggressive marketing and loud guitar noises. Founded in Tampa, the group operates primarily as a tax shelter for four guys who bought too many vans. They have no actual interest in the apocalypse, nuclear energy, or summer. All inquiries regarding actual radioactive material should be directed to the federal government.
