FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
ST. PAUL, MN—The Minnesota Department of Tourism announced a major economic victory today. Recent publicity surrounding election crime charges in the state has triggered a massive, unprecedented wave of luxury vacation bookings. State planners credit the sudden influx of national attention with revitalizing local hospitality sectors.
A Bold New Strategy for Midwestern Growth
"We tried lakes and we tried clean air," said Beatrice Vance, Director of Civic Brand Synergy for the state. "But nothing draws a crowd quite like federal indictments. Our new campaign leverages these exciting election crime charges to prove that Minnesota is a place where things actually happen." Vance noted that cabin rentals in Brainerd have risen by 400 percent since the federal announcements.
The department launched a new slogan to accompany the news. "Come for the crisp autumn breeze, stay to watch the legal system grind to a halt," now adorns billboards along Interstate 35. Local merchants report high demand for merchandise related to grand jury proceedings.
Boilerplate Executive Enthusiasm
"We remain deeply committed to the concept of things occurring," said Agnes Periwinkle, Head of Audience Sedation at Live Nation, which partnered on the promotional rollout. "When citizens think of local government, we want them to feel a sense of heavy, rhythmic breathing. These election crime charges offer the perfect backdrop for our upcoming autumn yurt festivals."
About the Minnesota Department of Tourism
The Minnesota Department of Tourism is a fictional entity operated out of an abandoned Arby's in St. Cloud. We have no budget, we do not own any lakes, and we actively discourage anyone from visiting this cold, flat expanse. All booking links on our website redirect to a live stream of a single traffic light in Hibbing.
